Welcome to the Island of Dr. Acquisition, where grafting another company onto a problem company will solve all of its problems! There isn’t a chance in hell that both patients will pass away during the procedure or that the outcome would be a lumbering freak of nature that eventually destroys its creators!
Karla Lant outlines “Why Apple Should Buy Tesla and Make Elon Musk CEO” in an article for Futurism. (Antler tip to Krishna Pérmi and Dan Minea.)
It’s really easy! Instead of just a bunch of people who are terribly attracted to simple answers to big situations, why wasn’t it thought of by everyone before?
Elon Musk is the unstoppable innovation juggernaut of our time.
ELON MUSK IS A GOLDEN GOD WHO WILL SAVE ALL HUMANITY OR AT LEAST ALL RICH PEOPLE WHICH IS KIND OF THE SAME AT LEAST IF YOU’RE RICH. THE ACTOR WHO LOOKS MOST LIKE HIM IS JOHN BARROWMAN BUT SINCE HE’S OLDER THAN MUSK AND NOT A BIG-SCREEN NAME, HE’LL MOST LIKELY BE PLAYED BY JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT IN HIS BIOPIC.
Sorry. Caps lock got stuck.
The Macalope does acknowledge that providing workers with froyo instead of the ability to engage in collective bargaining is a very novel idea.
He took us into space.
If Elon Musk has carried you to space, raise your hand.
Let’s check, that is, um, zero. not a single person.
… and is solely guiding us into a new era of vitality.
He would also use the other hand, but he needs to do something to keep his employees asleep. (Though, to be clear, Apple is not a workers’ paradise.)
This is why Apple ought to acquire Tesla and install Elon Musk as its CEO.
Is Musk truly interested in producing smartphones? I don’t care! We gotta make this stilted acquisition porn!
Who is it that claims Apple is no longer innovative? Almost everyone, I suppose. Just type “Apple is no longer inventive” into Google.
Haha, ahh, I see. Fine. You may also find a lot of results for “moon landing faked” on Google, but it doesn’t necessarily suggest the moon landing was a hoax. A word of advice from someone in the know: If you’re utilizing the Forbes contributor network and the IKEA ball pit management school to support your claim, you should definitely take your concept to the desert and carefully detonate it there so it won’t endanger humanity.
The list of things Lant dislikes about Apple is similar to the menu on the left side of Chez Macalope.
With all the phones exploding and catching fire, [Apple] has benefited from Samsung’s problems, but that won’t persist. Samsung may recover, and most likely will. For instance, the business released a brand-new smartphone at the end of March.
Samsung keeps producing phones, some of which are probably not going to blow up, thus Apple will never last. Since Lant seems to think Apple can’t compete with Samsung, it stands to reason that Samsung very recently began producing phones.
Unfortunately, not even Lant thinks this will happen.
Though it’s an intriguing concept that might be incredibly advantageous to both businesses, don’t hold your breath.
The Macalope is not really sure what the objective of these fantasies are, but it is clear that commentators enjoy wasting their time by speculating about unlikely events.